COMMUNITY

Bobby Blake Interview
By Nathan “Seven” Scott

Recently,I had a chance to catch up with ex-porn star Bobby Blake who is now an ordained minister. Not being a big porn fan, I had only heard of Bobby Blake. It wasn't until AFTER our interview that I saw one of his videos. I was glad that I hadn't seen any of his work because it gave me a chance to just see him as the man in front of me opposed to the aggressive on screen top that he portrays. Check out my interview with Bobby Blake for Uneqmagazine.com. Also for some too hot for UNEQ scenes of the interview check out www.youtube.com/theANDshow.

Smoke and Mirrors - A Black Lesbian Experience

Picture it, upstate New York 1998, Hip Hop at some of its finest.  Bitches, and hoes in lyrics aren't the norm they're the exception.   Humid air caresses my skin on an unusually warm summer night.  I'm straining to listen to Erykah's husky whisky spiked alto on "Yeyo" while trying to form the words to break this man's heart.  How do I tell the man I have loved for the last damn near five years, I am gay?  Not just gay, but a full out and proud black lesbian - whose chance encounter with a female left her with absolute certainty.  Left her with a feeling of such "rightness", complete satisfaction and a final  piece to herself that had always been missing.  Throat clogged with tears and hesitation in my voice I tell him; leaving no doubt as to the sincerity of my statement.

He leaves in tears, but returns calm, telling me he still loves me and that he wants me to be happy.  As emotional as the whole event was it was surprisingly smoother than coming out  to my own - the black lesbian world.

I was a stranger to the homosexual community having been raised in a quiet semi-suburban neighborhood by my adoptive parents.  In my household there were no gay individuals.  Mainly, gay folk were mentioned in relation to impersonal television relationships.  Meaning Boy George, Elton John and an assortment of flamboyant men - none African American and (according to my mother) Michael Jackson.  My mother would laugh and make an off hand comment like "oh he's a faggot" and wiggle her hand.  As if to say it’s okay for him because he is on television.  I never heard mention of gay women.  There just weren't any homosexuals in their African American community.  Matter of fact, there weren't any in my circle of friends either. So upon entering the gay watering hole/church/town hall a.k.a. "the club", I was definitely a tiny little fish in a very big pond.

Initially, in my naivety, I assumed everyone was like me . . . another feminine black woman comfortable in my own skin.  I have always been an artist in the subtle effects of lip gloss and mascara on my personage.  A great supporter and fan of various sports- but not great at participating.  Preferred kicking the ball and running after it, rather than having it hurdled at 100 miles an hour towards my face.  Always amazed by the reaction of stilettos, expensive lingerie, and long legs on an unsuspecting lover.   Here I am in the club looking and smelling good, and assuming I would see me, but shocked by the various female "types" and "roles" portrayed and assumed.  Women of all shapes sizes, styles, poses and attitudes.  I had to admit I see where the confusion came and comes from to this day. 

I tried to narrow down the major "types" I saw and still see.  Note I continuously use "quotes" with these definitions due to the stereotypical and generalization each forces upon the individual.  In my younger days I made my own assumptions.  Thus leading me to think it would be the same impression for an unknowing heterosexual entering the same scene. 

Definitions:  Please keep in mind these can be considered stereotypes and are all a matter of opinion from various African American lesbians.  Remember each lesbian in our culture has her own "identity" or "role" she associates herself with.   With our society being as convoluted and segregating as it is , this is one aspect in which we can define ourselves without influence.  

Lesbian/Dyke:  Generally refers to any homosexual woman, interchangeable.  The word "dyke" in previous history was  negative term.  As of late for the larger majority the word seems embraced thereby somewhat negating the negative.

Butch: Definitely has a more masculine attitude and has struggles with the concept of her feminine side. Usually wears more "masculine" clothing, minimal if any makeup.  Basically prefers the get in and get out approach when entering the bathroom.  Butch seems to be more of an innate attitude and a sub-gender all its own. Often mistakenly assumed to be the more aggressive lesbian which leads me to the next definition.

Femme: Generally refers to  "girly" lesbians, who Have no issues with wearing "feminine" clothing-outside Of work.  Often referred to as the opposite of butch.  Usually adopting the more historically and socially accepted attire of a woman.  The femme is also much harder to stereotype as a lesbian to society.   She "fits" in with the so called image of the heterosexual world.  Often mistakenly assumed to be the more  passive lesbian. Also a sub-gender all in its own.

Lipstick:      Commonly refers to a femme woman who prefers and dates femmes; thereby making the couple "lipstick lesbians".

Aggressive: Often confused and paired with "dom".  It refers to an attitude that can be interchanged and coupled with any of these definitions.  For example- aggressive butch, aggressive femme, aggressive stud etc.  Aggressive is more of an attitude in the way of pursuing ones interests, wants, and desires with a certain force.

Dom: (Dominant) is often confused with butch or stud.  More commonly refers to the attitude.  Also can be used similarly to aggressive.  Dominant meaning in some cases more powerful or more influential in a relationship or social setting.

Soft/Hard:  Adjectives also used in conjunction with the other definitions.  For example soft stud, soft butch.

Stud:  A woman more in touch with her feminine side (without the struggle of the butch lesbian).  Prefers more "masculine" clothing for comfort rather than a "way of life"  as in the butch lesbian.  Again also mistakenly assumed to be the more aggressive       lesbian.

pillow princess   Often referred to as the woman who prefers to lay on her back head on a "pillow".  Preferring the sexually passive role, for example "giving" rather than "receiving".  More commonly associated with feminine women.

All being said, what enervates and angers me about these definitions is the assumption that I am not as "gay" as the next female-who just so happens to appear much more masculine than I.  Is it because I enjoy slipping into a short black dress, high heeled pumps and the final soft caress of perfume on my skin? Due to my fondness for pampering and catering myself with more "feminine" trappings and surroundings?  The fact that I frequently and casually wear skirts, heels, colored toes, and makeup really has no bearing on my degree of homosexuality.  It doesn't define my personality, my interests, or my sexual tendencies.

My style is all a statement of my individuality, my flair, my je ne c'es quoi.  By looking at me previous conversation excluded I would most commonly be reduced to straight or even worse- the dreaded pillow princess.  When in fact if forced to use  definitions  I would be considered an aggressive femme who enjoys women of all assumed "roles". 

Next time you venture out on the scene and happen to come upon a group of women be objective.  Please try not assume the woman in front of you has no deeper depth than the clothing she wears or the hairstyle she rocks.  No one wants to be reduced to a mere stereotype.  When in doubt the old sayings remain tried and true.  Don't judge a lesbian book by its cover.

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